But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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