Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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