she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
