cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
