I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
