So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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