she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
