it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
