I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
