dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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