I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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