Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
