can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
