yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
