would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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