my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
