We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize