ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
