Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
