Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
