Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
