It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You're like the curious george of whores
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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