Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
