Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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