Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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