Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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