I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize