I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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