In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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