My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
