Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
two words: eviction party
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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