...so i touched it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize