i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
