Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
