I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
