I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
