thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
