did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
