My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Four minutes until I can fart!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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