My room smells like vodka and shame
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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