shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize