Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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