i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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