when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
