OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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