Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
