I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
