he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
