Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
