You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
