am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
