It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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