How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
