Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize