We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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