I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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