She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
