I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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