I wanna bring you to show and tell
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
