Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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