Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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