You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
