If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
