Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
