There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize