How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
