K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
