Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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