forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
