I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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