I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
