Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
